Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in FLAG's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, July 4th, 2009
8:07 pm	SNOW PATROL----------------RUN------------------- I'll sing it one last time for you Then we really have to go You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear Louder louder And we'll run for our lives I can hardly speak I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do Light up... Slower slower We don't have time for that All I want is to find an easier way To get out of our little heads Have heart my dear We're bound to be afraid Even if it's just for a few days Making up for all this mess (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
9:13 am	HAPPY FLAG DAY well, here i am again another Flag day i never work on Flag day, but it is so lonely on days like today. its only me against the world. usually i like being alone but i think i figured out why. when i work, we travedl all over. see things out my window, see ppl, see events goin on. im not a part of them, im a spectator. im not a real person. i just like to be alone. hide in my house. or am i just scared. i LOVED Becky but i am afraid of the world. she wanted to go out and be a part of the world. go places , see things, it was all such an effort for me when i tried,. i hardly tried., i kept her inside like Nora in the Bell Jar. but i kept myself there too., hiding with her from this world. not fair to her. me? what do i do? my friends drag me out sometimes. mostly to a movie, its dark in those theatres, i hide. during work, i just fake it screaming in my head to get back home,when im here it is safe but it is also nothing here neither. i sometimes i think i would like to find someone new, but a new person would want to do things too. i lost interest in life. i used to be afraid i was suicidal, but i know that is wrong., instead i shut down and died in my own way. and i dunno what changed me, i used to be so alive. happy flag day., i cannot belive im gonna treat this day as any other. i wished it was different. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 17th, 2009
10:40 pm	well i havent posted in a while. i dunno what to say. 2 months with no cigs, no cheating, not even a patch (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
6:08 pm	second person I got a friend into myspace music. he recommended SECOND PERSON i gave it a try. i kinda like it. im not into girl bands ( cause it feels awkward if i find myself accidently singin along) but they were good. this phobia stemmed from my mom liking Whitney Houston as a child and finding her son singing "im every woman" I hate myself. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
5:41 pm	Dear Nicole forgive the rudeness, i haven't had a cig in almost a week and that gets me irritable............ thank you for what you tried to do for me. its hard to tell if u were sincerely trying to help me cause this was all done in texts and type (emails) but i give u the benefit of the doubt that you were in fact not just fucking with me. rhode islanders can be assholes. i am an example. thank u for trying to get me a phone..... alas i must refuse. for a 2 year old to throw my new phone against a wall? the scratches would be the least of my worries. if i wanted a used phone, i got one, i just need the sim card. my phone is a few years old and not as cool as the one u got me that might or might not have something wrong with it now, but i never abused it., what the fuck was it doing out of the box anyway? hell, i don't even want to know. im at the point where the best excuse....i would just not believe it. im in a catch 22 here. the way we wet back and forth with this is bad. it puts me in a situation where you could very well plausably think that i was fucking with u and never had any intent to actually go and get the phone. I realize that it can look like that. but that would mean that the fact that im so angry right now could also be construed as "all an act" which it is not. but u only have my word on that.. im trying not to be mad., i sent u two emails today regarding this but they came back postmaster delivery failure. im glad. they were mean. i was mad. i am mad. now im at a cross roads, i want to offer advice to remedy the situaltion but if u read down this far, why would u still want to help a jerk like me ge a new phone? i would have said, we could return that phone, 30 day guarantee or whatever thier deal is. if they refused cause it is broken now, there are ways around that too. i had a plan. i had two plans to take that back and get a new phone and leave it in the fucking box.  i chose instead to vent my frustration.i know u got a kid living with u or something. i know u got dogs. pets. lots of ways it could get chewed or damaged. but i thought u were able to take care of it for me for a week. im sure u have nice stuff undamaged. i hate kids. i dont know that kid.maybe if i did, i would be like.....compassionate? fuck it. i know u got a good heart and try to help people. i dont deserve your help., i would have never been late paying, it was a chance to prove myself a good friend. but now we will never know. im the kind of asshole who cannot go to a movie theatre if i know im gonna miss the previews. i wanna be early, waiting in the dark. i dont want to walk in and see credits starting. it bugs me so fucking much. taking on a phone with a bad start like that ? it seems so similar to me to the previews thing. i have to refuse. i do appreciate it in my own weird way. if i was a better person......but im not. im a dick who will never understand why i should pay money for something that doesnt at least start out perfect. shit, i could lose the damn thing in an hour and be a moron, im sure it happens every day to people. they lose thier cell phones, but at least they got received it right. and im the kind of dick who will never understand why you would think i would want a phone that a kid threw against a wall. why it would be ok to tell me that? shit, u shoulda lied to me, society says lying is wrong. this is a good example of a time where it is not. it must be so damaged i would notice. right?   ah well. its a situation where both of us had good intentions and neither of us will believe that anymore. at least i think it was like that. sure, im mean, im blaming lack of cigs that is no excuse, but i almost died today trying to drive with no windshield wipers. im gonna try to save up for them so i dont die. at least my money is going toward that. so no new phones for kenny, no more cigs, gotta save money to save my life.   (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
9:46 pm	i liek april fools dAY Word of the Day for Wednesday, April 1, 2009 jape \JAYP\, noun, verb: 1. A joke or jest. 2. A trick or prank. 3. To joke; to jest. 4. To make fun of; to mock. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
8:09 am	wanna get rich? I had a dream of a new invention... A website where employers post the schedules of workers. Everyone from McDonalds to Metlife would join ( for a nominal fee) and people who are absent minded like myself can log in and check exactly what time they are working. Plus there could be a section for updates and news that could show employees if there are any delays due to weather.....heck, why not even involve schools and their schedules even if they dont change.at least u could see school delays... (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
10:16 am	never knew this Word of the Day for Sunday, March 29, 2009 osculation \os-kyuh-LAY-shuhn\, noun: The act of kissing; also: a kiss. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 22nd, 2009
6:57 pm	TONIGHT tonight is the USA premier of THE COLOUR OF MAGIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (16 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 19th, 2009
8:30 pm	opinions wanted:: How is this for a new idea for a story..... An elite team that hunts Vampire Hunters. Thats never been done before. This team is the best of the best They are brilliant and rescourceful They do not want to actually BE Vampires because that would limit them to the restrictions, cant hunt during daytime...etc They are the Vampires best asset. Its time the Vampires fought fire with fire...humans. Too long have they been hunted ( I like this idea, i just wish i was a better writer so I could 'pull it off'') (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 17th, 2009
9:50 pm	Fuck Netflicks I went to netflicks and blockbuster . com and checked out the movies out that i want to see. then i went to the library website and ordered them all for free. sure it takes a while for them to come in, but did i mention free? man i am rescourceful, even if i can't spell rescourceful......i guessed . and i applied at like 30 jobs today. I love this laptop. I still have my job but barely. i could go to my first posts i ever made on this thing years ago and im sure i would find something similiar. im always just barely holding on to a job. im done fighting it. this is me. a job dancer. one to the next. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
5:29 pm	having internet is scary I downloaded WORLD OF KUNG FU and i can't stop playing it. how the hell did i get to lvl 20 in one day? even now, even when the computer is off, im still technically building levels.....its soooooooooooo addicting. im scared. I lost a few ears of my life to EVERQUEST and as a result, i am a 30 something person who acts immature....wtf am i saying, i always been immature. but i digress......i wanna add people to faceboook. im addicted there as well. im at the point where if the name seems vaguely familiar, im adding them. crazy. wrong, i know. and i still exercise every day, cant let the fact that i got online finally after  over a year to make me a pudgeminister again. its just, im phoning it it. im doing it to get it done so i can play., ive had online one week now and im already getting bored with facebook. what else is there to do?? i used to buy crap upon crap on ebay, but im too broke for that shit. not that i dont still do it once a week, man im contradictory. thats all i got to say today (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
5:11 pm	what the fuck check out this fucked up shit i get out of work and dress up to go on an interview. even as i dress in a silly suit, i wonder why im going. i know, no- i KNOW  this is a FAKE JOB, it can't be real. it screams of scam but i put the suit on . stupid. i get off exit 2 from 295 and some lady stops completely at the yeild sign,. not at all illegal, but still. i stop too. then im focusing ona break in traffic. when one comes, she starts going, then she stops again.  and yeah. like a fucking idiot, i hit her. not hard or fast. but my little love tap will cost me. so she gets my info. and says she has to report it. fine. i have insurance. but if i get into a fender bender even outside of work, i get fired. because I am a driver. and so, im left hoping she wont report it, but she will. my life is fucked up. --------- oh AND I SAID SCREW TO THE INTERVIEW, LIKE I SHOULDA DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
12:30 am	tomorrow tomorrow i will b fired even if by some luck, i wont be, i need to look for another job soon. im done. last straw. i woulda quit myself but the economy is nasty i wont find a job. any job. i would take any job but will i be able to find one? im scared i fucked up im so depressed so i got drunk and that is never a good solution (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
1:03 pm	spring cleaning i threw away everything. fuck it. i will rebuy whatever i need someday i feel lighter. how weird. metaphoric? yay, im back, LJ !!!! ive missed u so much , diary. Current Music: "anything,anything"-like that song (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 7th, 2009
9:09 pm	hi today i got online again. wow. weird strange day got to see alot o people i missed well, talked to online i mean. im drunk i stil havent seen watchmen even though i been a fan since the books came out. i cant wait to see it. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
4:46 pm	sorry I havent been on this thing in a long time. but i got news. DEATH NOTE 1 AND 2 ARE THE MOST AWESOME MOVIES IVE EVER SEEN. IF U get a chance , check them out. I love them. ok, i guess i dont have news. im starting to like facebook more than here or myspace. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 7th, 2009
10:04 pm	im back well, i joined FALUN GONG. im also an armed guard now. im the last person in the word who should be entrusted with a gun. also, im drunk right now, using my first ex fiance's computer to write this at her work. so well im such an asshole an all but at least i can remain friends with my exes. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
5:42 pm	here is my new life ,quickly I work every single day now at least 10 hours a day. 2 jobs. hate them both I AM A ARMORED TRUCK DRIVER NOW. yay -i get a gun. soon. someday......not quite yet. I still work at the State Mental Hospital or as I call it....the nuthouse.....wait, thats what i call my house. I fell asleep once there. asleep in an insane asylum. very strange. my new job sucks. there was a guy this morning screaming and swearing about something. it turned out to be because of me. he didnt wanna drive with the new guy. me. fuck him. i didnt get us killed. I dont need that. he was so mad, he was gonna quit. i didnt say nothing---he is ARMED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! later though, i told everyone we 'hugged it out' heehee HAPPY NEW YEAR/ IM GOING TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE. SH EIS HAVING A BIG PARTY. SHE MADE ME GO WITH HER TO PICK ( oops,.caps still) to pick up some MIDGET PORN.   she always wanted it to be just kinda playing in the background at one of her parties. It will be funny. I hope. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
1:17 pm	xmas yay tomorrow i start a new job. thats my xmas gift. also, i still have the old job ( i think) I actually found a job while keeping the other job ( i think) without quitting and then desperately looking for another job. first time doing that. and this one pays more. so in an economy where people are in such need of a job....i got 2. i hope it all works out. wish i haven't been so mean lately, probably lack of nicotine but today is my 4th week not smoking. my 29th day actually and i haven't cheated once. this is it, i'm really gonna do it this time, thats it for me. finally an xmas where i don't wanna kill the world. hope u all have a good one too (3 Comments |Comment on this)